Special thanks to all patrons~
[Casual Supporter: mjkj, SkVt, Kyle M, pyrite j]
[Original Mania Level 1: Brian H, Kiradien, Sami, ZeroDeviation, Marshall]
[Original Mania Level 2: Bradford M, DJay, N0VERCL0CKER, Sean D, Abbi, Cinnamon]
[Original Mania Level 3: Fenderson, sch, Mac]
[Original Mania Level 5: Kaifen]
[Double Degree Level 1: e]
[Double Degree Level 2: Ditimiss]
[Double Degree Level 3: Browser]
Special thanks to Gackt1 for commenting in each chapter (Yes, I read them and I feel happy reading them! Thank you!! <3), join them and start commenting in every chapter from now on to give me feedback on the story as well! XD
Chapter 251
Eneida’s Power
Eneida’s POV
Everything that happened was confusing to me.
Surprising facts kept dropping one after another.
“Eneida, I apologize for lying to you all this time.”
First surprise, which was the least surprising one, was actually…
“I am actually not a child of a family that has been working in the palace for generations… I am the prince!” Manasye said as he deeply bowed to me.
…It was Manasye’s identity.
I had always thought that it was weird how Manasye, a child of a couple that worked in the royal family, could come to the Tower of Exile where I resided from time to time with ease.
At first, I believed him. But as time went on, I doubted his identity. This tower seemed to be a place where no one other than the permitted people could enter. That included the royal family, the maids in charge of maintenance, the royal doctors, and other related staff. How could someone unrelated to my care easily enter and go out so often without being detected once?
However, since he didn’t want to tell me, I decided I shouldn’t say anything.
So, I was glad that he finally came clean to me.
“E-eh?? Why is it that I get a feeling that… you don’t seem really surprised about it?”
Due to my lack of reaction, Manasye finally lifted his head to look at me, who was only looking at him with my head slightly tilted.
“Pfft… Hahaha…”
It was funny how he looked surprised when I didn’t react as if it was such a surprising fact when he dropped the bomb on me.
But just like how he wasn’t afraid of me at all, nor did he try to refer to me as the holy saintess and keep our distance, I wouldn’t refer to him as a prince and keep our distance.
No matter who he is, Manasye is my precious friend who accepts me just for who I am. Eneida, not Saintess Eneidaestina. And I want to be the same presence to him.
I was sure he would want me to continue to see him as just Manasye, and not Prince Manasye.
Moving on to the second fact that finally started my train of surprise and confusion…
My and Manasye’s new friends turned out to be humans from the neighboring country, Riviera, and they were on a mission here, hence the disguise. I wasn’t sure what they wanted to find out by disguising themselves as maids in the castle and elves, but since Manasye didn’t seem to sense danger and allow them to stay by his side, I guess it wasn’t something that would harm the country, right?
Although it was confusing at first, I accepted this fact readily.
That said, it was hard for me to change the way I addressed them, when their appearances looked the same in my eyes. I was told that when Escha/Lyra came back later, she would dispel her illusion arts and let me be acquainted with their real selves. I was quite curious about what my friends actually looked like…
Third, one of them–the one proficient at illusion arts–even had this unique Familiar that was akin to a big wolf!
I didn’t have time to be surprised by this third surprise, for the next surprise blew me out even more.
Fourth and the last surprise, my cure was found and it had something to do with that Familiar?!
I never thought I’d be able to find answers to my current condition, let alone its cure this quick.
I thought it would take way longer than this, if not hopeless…
But now, the question would be… what if it failed? What if it turned out to be wrong?
With the sudden hope that bloomed, I trembled with anticipation, hope, and… fear.
***
Due to the sheer amount of surprise the revelations brought, the Familiar called Fenrir told us that it would be better to rest, and start the first session: introduction and briefing, the next day instead.
I was thankful since I was given enough time to process everything and to calm down my restless heart.
The day of our first session finally arrived.
I was told quite simply that it was the power of mind.
Yes. As simple as that.
The one thing that controlled my power, and the one thing that caused my current condition… it was all my mind.
It wasn’t some complicated tale or mechanism, nor was it some heinous curse given by the gods.
It was… simply my mind.
And the cure was actually simple, nothing too complicated.
I just needed to think that my power was to cure, to give life, and believe it whole-heartedly.
“There must be something that caused your subconscious to not believe it 100%. I think that in the past… you believed for your entire life that your power is a blessing and you were told that it would be able to heal people, breathe life to others… and for all your life, it worked that way. That’s why you never failed until… it changed.”
“It might have changed the first time you encountered a failure when using your power. You became doubtful, never knowing about the true nature of your power, then when failures piled up, you believed that you’re cursed, when in fact your power has become distorted just as your mind has become distorted…”
Fenrir quickly laid out his analysis of my power, after uncovering the truth about it.
I widened my eyes in disbelief.
Right. My memories of that incident were quite hazy, but I could remember my feelings.
All my life, I believed what people around me believed. I was the saintess, blessed with the power of Life, capable of restoring people’s life. Be it illness, disability, or even a severed arm… I could restore them. Without fail.
I believed I was invincible. I was special, just like what people around me used to tell me.
But that day, I failed to save my little sister.
My power… was useless.
“It rings a bell?” Fenrir asked.
“Yes, but it’s odd,” I said after thinking for a while.
“What is odd?” Fenrir asked me.
I gulped before I explained bitterly, “I know at that time, there was nothing I could do. When I regained my consciousness, it coincided with the moment my sister took her last breath. If she were still alive by the time I got to her side, I could have done something to help her. But since she had passed before I could try using my powers on her, I knew it was useless. My power can’t bring the dead back. It wasn’t a failure. I was simply too late.”
And what followed after that was despair.
“After her death, I couldn’t use my power anymore. At that time, I thought that the source of my power could have been my little sister. And that explained how I lost it–”
Ralph/Clavis quickly interrupted my words, “It doesn’t explain why you didn’t become an ordinary elf and instead got this power that could suck life from others.”
Manasye quickly asked, “Was there anything else that happened during that time?”
“…None that I can remember,” I thought for a while before shaking my head.
“Try thinking real hard?” Manasye asked.
“Do you remember what might cause it? We can start by identifying it,” Fenrir nodded.
“Uhm…”
“Try to think of events that happened especially around the time your power got distorted!” Manasye encouraged me.
“I… don’t… remember…”
I said with a low voice, trembling.
I couldn’t look at Manasye, and when my eyes met with Fenrir’s, there was something in his gaze that intimidated me, so I quickly averted my gaze.
“Fenrir, what can we do if Eneida herself doesn’t remember?” Manasye asked.
“…I don’t think we will get any result from trying to pursue ‘why?’. Instead, why not try to focus on the treatment?” Clavis suddenly said, seeing that our conversation resulted in a dead end.
“Now that Eneida knows what is going on, we can try to see if it works or not,” he added.
“That works too,” Fenrir nodded.
I sighed in relief upon hearing that even Fenrir agreed.
“Now, bring that out,” Fenrir instructed.
That?
Clavis quickly took out a small potted plant and brought it closer to me.
I quickly winced and took a few steps back when it was so close to me, not wanting to see the green plant turning brown before it died.
“Your reaction tells me that you believe it will rot away if it gets close to you. First, before even making it bloom, try thinking that nothing will happen even if it gets close to you.” Fenrir instructed.
“Okay…” I nodded as I took steps forward to get closer to the plant.
The plant got closer to me, I nervously held my breath.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.
I chanted repeatedly in my head.
1, 2, 3… 10 seconds had passed ever since the plant was right in front of me, separated by the bars of the detention door that kept me away from the plant, and then everyone else by some distance.
I continued to look at the plant, and it didn’t have any notable changes. It didn’t even wither!
With this proximity, it should have had a few reactions, such as the tip of the leaves starting to wither…
“Oh… it withered…,” I said in my disappointment.
“Did you think that it would usually wither when it’s in this proximity to you?” Fenrir suddenly asked.
“Uh…”
Sure enough, I just thought about it for a second, and it already withered?!
“Not to worry, we have another one ready,” Clavis suddenly put out another small pot of plant.
I stepped backwards as I watched Clavis coming closer and swapping the pots.
“Now, try again,” Manasye said after Clavis finished his task and returned to sit next to him.
“If any, just focus on seeing… observing it. No other thought is allowed to be present other than the plant observation,” Fenrir instructed.
“Okay…,” I gulped before I closed my eyes and walked slowly to the plant.
I am just seeing the plant closely. Nothing will happen.
I chanted in my heart as I stayed close to the plant.
10 seconds passed… I was happy that the plant stayed green, the small bud looked cute. I could stare and admire the cute little bud.
With that thought in my mind, I only observed the small bud without thinking of other things.
Before I even realized, one minute had passed just like that.
“It worked?! Oh my god, Eneida!” Manasye was even happier than me, his reaction was over the top.
“Now, try holding that pot.”
“Holding it?!” I was surprised to hear Fenrir’s next instruction.
Clavis shoved the plant first before Manasye quickly instructed everyone to step back, mistaking my reaction with my question about how I could possibly grab the pot if they were near it.
But since Manasye and the rest had retreated so far away from the pot, I decided I should probably not let their hard work go to waste.
I opened the detention door before I walked towards the pot.
I looked at the potted plant that was within my arm’s reach, hesitant.
But I had no other choice but to hold it, so I grabbed the pot with my hands, and…
“It withered…”
I muttered in sadness.
A life is gone, just like that, because of me…
I felt saddened by such a thought.
“Don’t be too sad. The plant has done a good deed by becoming an object that’s trying to help you. If you can contain your power so much that it won’t suck other people’s lives out when they get close to you, or can even heal people again, the lives of the plants we’re sacrificing for the treatment will be worth it,” Fenrir comforted.
“That’s right!” Clavis and Manasye nodded.
“It’s alright. In any case, most people don’t typically succeed at something during their first few tries,” Fenrir tried to give me another encouragement.
“Right, I will do my best, let’s try again!” I said.
In any case, it was already an improvement that I didn’t cause the plant to wither even when it was in such close proximity.
***
Several days had passed since my treatment began.
Changing beliefs that had been rooted deep inside my mind required lots of effort.
From ‘My power is distorted. It’s no longer a blessing. It’s a curse that can’t be helped’ to ‘My power can be a blessing or curse, and it all depends on me. It is within my control. My mind is actually so powerful that it can control this power that’s been given to me by the gods!’
Easier said than done…
I tried controlling my power and experimenting with plants that Manasye and Clavis brought.
Actually, there was certainly improvement.
From plants withering right away within my reach, to them not withering even when I finally held it in my hands..
I could even make them grow sometimes, when I accidentally imagined how it would look if they were to grow, as I observed the plant’s small bud.
However, when I seemed successful in making the plant grow, suddenly, just for a short moment, my mind asked a question ‘This rapid growth is similar to the one I had performed countless times in the past, but what if this time… the growth accelerates, not stopping, and it ends up withering in the end?!’
With a flash, the plant ended up wilting.
It was just a little slip of my mind, but it reacted strongly…
Fenrir told me that it was normal for people to have glimpses of disturbing thoughts, for example when we looked at the bottom of the ground from a high building. People would normally look to the ground to see beautiful scenery from the top, but they’d have a moment of disturbing thought such as ‘What if I were to fall?’ or more extremely, some intrusive thoughts like ‘I can jump from there and splat…’
But for me, I should be able to control such thoughts especially when it is related to my power. After all, I should hold control over my power.
Fenrir told me that during my childhood, I had no experience of my power failing, so I was always able to do it with confidence.
But after experiencing the distortion in my power, I became unable to always use my power positively.
A failure… it only took a failure to destroy the confidence in my powers, or so Fenrir said.
“It seems like the failure’s ingrained too deep in your mind. And when failures kept happening after that one failure you experienced, it kept destroying your belief in your power,” He concluded.
“…I see…”
“But what made me feel curious about that incident was that… you know it wasn’t that you failed and your power failed you. It was just a matter of you being too late. We can’t do anything about that. So… was there something else that caused you to believe that your power was useless, or that you were cursed, perhaps?” Fenrir suddenly asked.
We took a break from the practices and Fenrir suddenly started ruminating about the cause once more.
“…” I remained silent.
“Actually… If you can’t remember, your subconsciousness still remembers anyway. Let us help you. I can enter your subconsciousness and alter it from your dreams,” Fenrir suddenly dropped a bomb of a suggestion in front of us.
“Huh? You can do that?!” Manasye was surprised to hear that.
I could even see Ralph/Clavis widening his eyes in surprise, as if this was his first time hearing about this from Fenrir as well.
“What do you think of it? I can help you by going to your subconscious, reliving the moment that got ingrained in your mind about your power, altering your belief. Think of it as hypnotherapy. But my power is more effective than regular hypnotherapists,” Fenrir said with confidence.
Reliving the moment?
My heart throbbed quickly when I heard those words. Thump, thump, thump…
I could feel the temperature around me suddenly rising.
Truth is… I know.
Or more precisely, I might know what might have caused it, but I…
I don’t ever want to relive that moment.
And even if I were to relive that moment, I don’t think there’s anything that we can do to change it.
“No… I am scared…,” I said as I cowered in fear and trembled.
There was a period of time when I kept having nightmares. It made me terrified of sleeping. It made me terrified of even closing my eyes.
If I were to relive such a similar moment in my dreams, would it make me have nightmares again?
Suddenly, Manasye approached me in a rush.
I winced my body a bit, unconsciously, as I saw him inching closer to me.
Perhaps seeing my reaction, Manasye stopped right in front of me.
We had never been this close before.
“Eneida, this is the first time we are this close to each other, right? If we were to slightly reach out our hands, our hands will come in contact,” Manasye suddenly said with a soft voice.
Hearing his soft voice, I felt comforted all of a sudden.
He is right…
I couldn’t believe that there would come a time when I could see him right in front of my eyes, this close.
Usually, there should be some distance between us. There was no way he could be this close to me.
“Listen, everything will be alright. Right, Fenrir?” Manasye comforted me before asking Fenrir.
Fenrir opened his mouth, “That’s right. Me and the person you trust can help you by entering your dreams and changing the painful moments–the nightmares–into something that you can look back on without too much fear. It might be painful for a while, but perhaps tasting pain in order to heal from it would be the better choice than denying it and burying it deep inside. Besides, you Manasye, right?”
I nodded.
But then, I quickly asked Manasye, “But what if you see something that will make you hate me or see me differently afterwards? I’d be crushed…”
I recalled how people around me changed their treatment towards me after my power got distorted…
“I won’t. Promise,” Manasye gently smiled.
For some reason, her gentle smile and voice calmed me down.
Clavis also chimed in, “Prince Manasye here has seen you with your distorted power at full rampage, so I don’t think anything can change the way he looks at you…”
“See?” Manasye smiled.
“…,” I was speechless.
What to do?
“You don’t trust me?” Manasye frowned.
I didn’t know why, but I panicked a bit seeing his frown, so I quickly answered, “I do, but… I don’t trust myself. I am afraid you will see the ugly sides of me in my subconscious dream and then…”
“Then just trust in me… who trusts you, okay?” Manasye interrupted my words.
“You’re my very first friend. I won’t hurt you. Imagine all the things we can do after you’re cured. I want to take you to so many places, Eneida.”
“If… If my power’s back to normal, can I really do that? Won’t I… have to return to my life as the saintess?” I was surprised at what Manasye just said.
“If that’s what you’re worried about, I can help you do something about it. I want you to live a normal life, not forcing you to be the saintess, if you don’t want.”
“A normal life… Yes, I want it…,” I said as I lowered my head.
I didn’t think I could ever experience it.
The life of a normal elf, a life free of others’ expectations, a life where I can just be… me.
It seemed impossible to me.
I remember seeing this scene from the window of my room: the children brought to the temple running happily as they played with one another. At that time, I was a child as well…
“Then I vow on my name as the prince, I will do everything to ensure that. So, won’t you try your best so we can have you live a normal, long, and happy life as an ordinary elf?” Mansye asked.
“…”
A normal life.
My longing to experience a normal life–one that I had abandoned since I knew I was the saintess and couldn’t do it, was now resurging.
If… If I could get it, then would I be able to withstand the pain and nightmares that I might experience?
“An elf’s life is a long one. You’re young. It’s a pity if you can’t withstand a short moment of pain to make sure the rest of your long life is filled with happiness,” Fenrir added.
“…I get it… I will do my best. …But wait, what should I do?” I tilted her head.
I said I would do my best, but exactly at what?
“Open your heart and give us permission to enter your dream, baring your heart as it is to us,” Fenrir said.
“…Okay…”
I don’t get exactly how I should do it, but in short, I should just be accepting and just… pray for the best, right?
“Then, it’s settled!” Manasye said happily.
“Tonight, we will try,” Fenrir announced.
Comment Away~!