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I Am the Older Sister
When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a very abstract world—typical of a dream world. Fenrir was standing next to me.
As usual, as soon as I became conscious, I transformed myself into my old self’s physique—into Reinst.
“Fenrir, are we going to see Domi’s memory first before we talk to him?” I asked, as it was already usual for me to see their memories first and decide later how I should face them.
Contrary to my expectations, Fenrir shook his head. I tilted my head in wonder.
“No, this person is very closed, his guard is tight. It will be hard to pry his memories. In case for Clyde and Nicole, they’re not this closed off and especially open towards you,” Fenrir explained, “In addition, you two’s shared lives and memories aren’t that much.”
It made sense.
Since our shared moments were so little, if I were to watch his memories, it would be more like a breach of privacy. Besides, during the time I was there with him, our interactions were a few and he barely remembered things, let alone had any feelings or thoughts towards me. He was four when I passed away.
“Uwaa, I haven’t prepared myself enough for this…,” I said, feeling a little bit nervous now. If I were to know, I’d have prepared myself more mentally!
“You’ll never be prepared for this kind of things. Let’s just do it spontaneously.”
“A-alright… Shall we go now?” I asked.
Fenrir opened a portal to Domi’s dream world and then his figure disappeared into thin air. As usual, it won’t be good if Fenrir were to be seen, who knows they would be able to remember his existence in the dream and it might be associated with me…
Fenrir returned to my Animosphere, and I could communicate with him through it.
The moment I stepped into the other side of the portal, I could see a figure of a tall man standing around the abstract world. And the moment I arrived, it was then that he became conscious of the surrounding. I definitely wouldn’t want to speak with someone who was in a daze in the dream world…
As Domi gazed around the surrounding, he turned and his eyes met mine.
Tch, I am shorter than him by quite a lot despite becoming Reinst… The age difference is too much! Besides, he’s a man, and it’s only natural for him to be taller than me, but still… He really gets the tall gene, huh?!
Domi looked stunned, but I didn’t see a trace of confusion on his eyes.
“Do you recognize me?” I asked.
Domi nodded and said indifferently, “You are my older sister who passed away when I was little, correct?”
Then, an awkward silent ensued…
Domi still looked calm and didn’t even seem to be questioning this weird situation. If your relative who passed away long ago was suddenly standing in front of you, even if it was in a dream, you’d have a lot of questions, no?
Anyway, Domi reminded me of my old self a lot.
Perhaps he was even ‘better’ than my old self.
I was unable to bear with the silence, plus time was ticking.
“Aren’t you going to ask me something?” I asked.
“Why? Isn’t this just a dream?” Domi asked back.
[Amazing. He’s very confident this is just a dream in such a short moment and is very logical.]
Fenrir’s voice rang in my mind.
Yes, he didn’t even ask me anything because he thought this was just a dream anyway… He didn’t even think it would be my soul visiting in his dream… Very logical and rational.
Calm and well headed. As expected of the successor that Mother had been dreaming of.
I wonder if deep down, he yearned for things like I did?
He looked even more emotionless than me in the past…
“Aren’t you going to ask why I am here to see you?” I finally asked.
“Why are you here to see me?” Domi didn’t even bat an eye when he repeated my words without any change in his tone.
I was speechless as I blinked several times.
He’s being perfunctory!! His tone shows it!! Does he care at all or not?
But well… Indeed, why should he care? I bet he barely even remembered me…
I also don’t know him well enough so I should be the one to relent, as I am the one wanting something from him…
“Alright, this is indeed a dream but I am indeed your older sister. I am visiting now because it’s time for me to settle the matters of the world,” I said.
“Before reincarnating? Or resting in the afterworld? Why now, after so long?” Unexpectedly, Domi asked back. He could have just nodded and stayed silent, but he asked. Whether it was because he cared or because he was curious, it was nice to get a response like this from him. It showed that he wasn’t as uncaring as he seemed to be.
“Oh, there’s a huge change in the family that triggered my soul to awaken and do this kind of thing,” I lied without even batting an eye. Facing Domi and being in Reinst’s ‘meat suit’ seemed to awaken my old ability, too.
The ceremony to officially acknowledge him as the head of the family, and then his upcoming marriage… They were quite big, right?
“I see,” Domi believed my reasoning.
Before I could feel relieved, Domi then asked, “But what does it have to do with visiting me?”
“I just want to know how my little brother is doing. You’re the only one with exactly the same blood and genes shared with me,” I answered.
“Oh. Everything is good. There you have it, you can go and be rest assured.”
I felt like I had a headache in that instant.
Facing Domi sure is hard.
I thickened my skin and pretended not to hear what he said as I asked another question, “How do you remember me? What do you think of this older sister of yours?”
Thankfully, he didn’t curse at me for doing this insensible thing.
And thankfully again, he actually answered me, “We’re not close at all, aren’t we? I don’t really remember on my own. The most I remember is that I sometimes saw you when I was young and that was it.”
“Yes, we’re indeed not close,” I admitted before asking, “And… After I passed away, is there anything related to me in your life?”
I paused a little bit because I was afraid Domi would lose his patience in answering me and coldly brushed me away. Unexpectedly though, he attended to me patiently.
“Well, after you were gone, I remember Mother telling me several times that she now only has me and that I can’t go leaving here as well. Mother was protective and even stricter to me after that, and quoting her, it’s because she doesn’t want to lose her only remaining child,” Domi explained.
He rarely spoke that much in general. But for me, the older sister he barely remembered, he was willing to explain that much. I felt relieved. Perhaps he did it out of consideration that I was still his sister.
Then Domi quickly added as if he just remembered something, “When I was really childish and whined, you were often used as an example so I could be more like you.”
But Domi is Mother’s golden child… Why would she use me to be an example to Domi?
Isn’t Domi all that she wants, the perfect child?
This… was really surprising.
Before I could get over my surprise, Domi added, “During times like that, it was as if I was living in your shadow.”
“Do you resent me?” I asked.
Domi quickly shook his head and said, “What for? I don’t really feel anything. I never know you and it could be exaggerated. It’s always like that. Dead people tend to be glorified.”
I was astonished hearing his reasoning.
So level-headed. So calm, so unfeeling.
“It is indeed very rational way to think about it. But it’s alright to follow your feelings and admit them at times, to show them, too,” I tried to give him some advice.
“Feelings can lead you astray. Showing your emotions can make others exploit your weakness. Therefore, we need to be logical and not get so worked up over feelings,” Domi stated as if it was a matter of fact.
Hearing that, I sighed. I knew those lines perfectly. I was ingrained with such mindset as well.
I wonder if Domi would follow in Father and Mother’s footsteps very closely? Both were cold and only cared about their gains—about their image. If so, I would be very concerned about his future… and his fiancée, Adel’s.
Could I get some things across to him during this short time, I wonder?
I am his older sister after all, and there weren’t lots of things I managed to do for him. For his happiness.
I wouldn’t want to see him repeating the same mistake as Mother and Father. Becoming a cold person who was unfeeling, then making his children—his family—be unhappy.
I experienced that once and I wouldn’t wish that on someone else.
Would he experience the warmth and happiness I experienced as Lyra if he really followed Mother and Father closely?
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Gackt1, as always, reporting for duty
This is just like… LyRe second official visit, and she already meet such an hard case…
“No, this person is very closed, his guard is tight”
“Very closed” and “tight” seem like still is light, more like his heart, his mind, his emotion being hidden in the needle that is hidden inside the egg, the egg is in the duck, the duck is in the hare, the hare is in the chest, the chest is buried or chained up on a far island….well, he got educated in the same way that make Reinst fall into void of emotion after all, somehow I feel like the moment he chased after Adel, when “his heart beat even faster” and when his voice become soft when he called her name is one of the few rare moment his show his emotion and doesn’t care about “logical”, deep down (like …very very ×10 down) seem like he actually, more or less, have some….feeling (?)about the sister he may not even remember how she look like when he said “…..it was as if I was living in your shadow.”
Living in the shadow of someone you can never pass (because Reinst doesn’t there to be compare with him anymore), grow up seem like….doesn’t have much love from his parent (since, by Lyra’s words, duke and duchess,cold and only cared about their gains—about their image.)
“Would he experience the warmth and happiness I experienced as Lyra if he really followed Mother and Father closely?”
The answer seem like very clearly already
As always, thank you for the chapter. Take care of yourself, Lynne-san
Actually, this is third official comment, I mistake count Clyde and Nicole as one…well, since their path become one so…
3rd official visit….what’s wrong with me today…no idea