Unedited version, chapter 2!

 

Chapter 2

Difficult Love

It has been one year ever since the day I began to understand that I like Kagamine Len, my ex-seatmate. I didn’t have the courage to ask him out or to ask how he felt for me. For me, being his best friend is more than enough. I won’t ask for more. This relationship is good for me. I can be by his side, laugh alongside with him, and thus… it’s graduation day already. There’s no promise that I can be with him again in my high school years. I didn’t say anything to him. That’s such a bad end. Such a loser. And junior high graduation holiday flew by so fast—I spent those days doing nothing, but to regret.

What if in high school—there’s someone else that he likes? What if someone else likes him and that person stands more chance than me? What if we can’t become best friends anymore? What if we were in different classes? What if someone else took the seat beside him? What if—…

My love towards Len grew day by day, without me even being able to stop this feelings. And without even realizing it—high school life starts. I went to school unwillingly. I walked down the street—looking at the same, monotone, grey road. I wonder what will happen from here onwards… It’s my first time loving someone… Why won’t my love life—no, my whole life become as easy as the girls in the manga and anime?

“Ah, here you are! Gumiiii!!” Rin, my best friend ever since my junior high, waved at me with her cheerful smile.

“ Ah, hi there, Rin,” I tried to smile.

“What is it? Why do you look so gloomy?” asked Mikagane Rin. Whoa—she’s quite sharp. I haven’t told her about my secret crush to Len. For all past 3 years in our junior high, we happened to end up in the different class, but we were all together in the club. I doubt she knows who Len is.

“ Ah, nothing…,” I smiled.

“ You know, we’re in the same class for this one year!!” she smiled happily, “ Oh my, finally we can be together!! I hope we will be in the same class for all 3 years, not only for this one year!” She hugged me, I can feel her happiness and I, too, am happy. But a slight doubt crossed my mind. Will I be able to be in the same class with Len?

I walked down to my class along with Rin, who’s always so bright and cheerful. Class 1-1. Here we are. I opened the door—and quickly took a gaze thoroughout the class and the ones who are in the class now. I didn’t catch a slight glimpse of Len. I sighed, I felt a bit disappointed. But I could be together with Rin, at least I could be grateful of the fact that I have someone that I knew in this class. I picked a seat in the middle, where Rin took a seat next to me. I leaned with my hand on the table as I looked at the seat—at my left side. I wonder what kind of person would fill in that seat… I gazed to the sky through the window just next to that seat.

Suddenly, someone put a bag on that desk, and that person took out the seat as he sat on the seat. Within a second, I straighten my head and back, looking at that person as I held my breathing. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I might be hallucinating.

                “ Eh? You’re Gumi, aren’t you?”

That voice—the voice of someone that I’ve been wanting to hear all the time. The voice that I missed. The voice I longed for. And the soft smiling face that I’ve been dreaming of all this time. Len. He sat next to me… again? Is this just a dream—if it is, then I don’t want to be awaken from this sweet dream.

                “ Eh? You’re Len, aren’t you?” asked Rin—wait, she knew who Len is?

 “ Ah, Rin is here, too. Well, hope we can be good friends again this year,” said Len as he moved out of his desk and he approached his fellow boys.

“ …Rin, you know… Len?” I asked Rin. A sudden, random, and wild thought crossed my mind. What if Rin likes Len… Oh my, what am I thinking about? Rin is my best friend. My only best friend and I just had a bad feeling for her…

“ ? Yes…,” said Rin as she raised her eyebrows, “ he’s my childhood friend. Well, we were good friends for some time during our elementary time and he’s more like a brother for me.”

I exhaled my breath that I’ve been holding all the time, feeling rejoiced. Suddenly, Rin giggled and she looked at me with her nasty eyes.

“ Gumi, could it be that you—,” she tried to guess—and I knew what she’s going to say from her tone of voice and also from her face. My face became red all of the sudden as I pulled Rin near to me.

“ Please, please don’t say it to anyone else!!” I begged her. She remained silent for a moment—it felt like an eternity for me—before she finally laughed.

                “ I won’t if you’d tell me more about this after school orientation is over.”

 

 

 “ Heeeeee?!” Rin raised her voice, “ so you’ve liked him for this whole 1 year and not even telling me about it? Meanie!”

“ Ah… I thought you didn’t know him, so…”

“ That’s not the case!” Rin suddenly stood and her hand hit the table. Just in that second, we’ve become the cafe’s centre of attention.

“ Eh, sorry, I think I was a bit exaggerating here,” she managed to get a control of herself as she sat down, “ I’m just a bit mad that you didn’t tell me about this. Hello, I’m your best friend, right?”

“ True… Sorry…,” I drank my ice cream.

“ Nah, don’t be,” Rin continued to drink her ice cream as well, “but you’re pretty close to him, aren’t ya?”

“ Y-yes…,” I couldn’t say anything else again as I’ve told her everything—and I couldn’t help but feel embarassed about this.

“ That’s good, you just need to gain more courage and also you need to—“

Eh wait, from what I heard, she seems to be talking about how to confess!!

“ Eh wait, I think… being by his side is more than enough for me…,” I couldn’t see Rin at her eyes. I looked down to the floor as I could feel this hot sensation, burning my cheek.

“ Listen, Gumi…,” Rin forced me to face her side—as she grabbed my head and turned it until I could see her in eyes, “this is your first love and I don’t want you to have it wasted for without even trying… And I want to ask you, honestly, do you feel enough if things just stay like this?”

 I couldn’t answer it. And luckily, Rin didn’t force me to answer her.

Since that day, she has never forced me to do confession again as I am confused, too. But I felt relieved that now I could talk about this matter to someone. And time passed so quickly. As if it’s natural, I spent a school term by being with Len, Rin, and Kiyoteru—Len’s good friend. Things can’t go more better than it has been. I felt like living in dreamland.

 But I’ve managed to realize from that dreamland of mine, even if I don’t want to…

“ Hey look, aren’t you too pretty close?” said Ryuuto as he chuckled, “are you two dating or what?” asked him—one day when I was talking and laughing along with Len, just like usual. As he said that, I stood up quickly.

“ Eh? Dating—the-there’s no wa—,” I tried to deny it, but it appears I couldn’t do so—because deep down I wanted to say ‘yes’.

“ We’re just good friends,” Len added—he managed to say it cool and calm. As if he has never considered about it. I felt a little disappointment deep inside. Could it be that it’s only me… That he didn’t even consider me as more than a friend…

                Rin is right.

 I don’t want things go as they are now. I hate myself for letting my love for Len grows so big. As I thought, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t lie anymore, all my heart and mind—there’s Len. I don’t want him to consider me as just a friend. I must tell him soon… I want him to consider me being more than just a friend to him. I want him to realize it… But if I tell him… I wonder what’s going to happen?

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